Bullying STOPS learning
Parents need to be vigilant of their son or daughters mental and emotional health when it comes to bullying.
The reality is bullying is too common, not just at school but in the workplace as well. Skill sets to deal with this need to be learnt that can be utilised at school as well as in the workplace if required.
I share in the video two personally recent and daunting examples of bullying taking place in corporate Melbourne by highly placed individuals in huge companies. I’ll let you discover in the video below how many bullies I have faced in my life. I am well versed in the bully’s methods and how to deal with and heal it.
Stress, anxiety and depression caused by bullies to a student is very detrimental to their learning and joy for life.
There are ways to prevent bullying and mitigate the mental and emotional damage done by bullies.
This page is Part 2 of the School Education Crisis page where Bullying is mentioned by School Principals(1) as a key factor of Schools are facing a crisis where up to 30% of their students are under mental strain with anxiety, depression. It is mentioned here separately as it is outside the school context but impacts it massively.
This issue needs to be treated separately. Within days of recording this video Australian media on ## date## was full of the tragic news of a 14 year old girl taking her own life because of cyber bullying. Even the Australian Prime Minister was in the headlines as being ‘heartbroken‘(2) by this event.
Tap/click the picture below to watch my stern view on this unpleasant topic.
If a student is in Student Success Tutoring chances are I will find out if they are stressed about bullying of themselves or others. I actively seek and enquire about stress factors, so they learn to do likewise to empower themselves. I will assist them as best as I can with methods to stop, cope and then heal the damage done so they can function optimally so they succeed in their studies.
Bullies Impact Wellbeing: Let’s heal this!
This website and tutoring is about positive learning and the joy and success it brings. This page is here as a necessity due to national level news on this issue. This page is hopefully helpful to raise awareness regarding the impact bullying has on a person’s life, not just grades and learning. Learning the skill sets to deal with life’s hard situations enriches life in many positive ways. The skills learnt to assist students to deal with difficult issues are the same as learning skills tutored here, only the context changes.
NOTE: Each bullying instance is unique. Each situation will need to be treated separately. Getting help or sharing is ALWAYS the first step.
Get help! First things first, your safety and well-being is paramount. Tell someone, then tell an authority figure you trust. Assess the situation. This will immediately let some of the stress and tension out of the body and decrease irrational behaviour. If you are really unsure get assistance from someone who is not “under” the bullies influence.
How bullying impacts: Mechanics of our psychology
Bullying triggers our fight-flight instinctive response of chemicals (adrenaline), emotions and behavioural responses. It will trigger mind-dialogue where we dwell and re-run it over and over in our mind. Sharing helps to relax tensions and eases the fight-flight responses. Then get help to hopefully resolve the bullying situation. “Sticks and Stones…” mentality means it just gets suppressed into the unconscious mind. The problem with suppression is it stays there and builds up.
The unconscious mind is our memory, motivation, behaviour, feeling and learning system. If the unconscious is weighed down with suppressed and current fight-flight reactions then learning and performance is directly impacted.
“Sticks and Stones…” only applies if the individual processes the issue and the impact on the unconscious is cleared. This means the person has developed a high level of Emotional Intelligence (EQ).
Human psychology is very complex. After 30 years of intense focus, training, mentoring and guiding others I know that our systems are deigned to help us cope. Our psychology is 98% unconscious (at least). This unconscious aspect does everything for us. Hard wired into our DNA and human nature is what I term the Survival Instinct. This incorruptible drive keeps us and all living things alive and functional. Survive, adapt or die.
This is another reason I make the Learning Principles videos with wild animals. The animals demonstrate the principles of learning through the operation of the unconscious (as animals are unconscious). Animals live 100% on their survival instinct, observe them and you will see their constant vigilance for threats and food opportunities. My use of the Learning State shows its effect on the unconscious animals as they don’t go into fight-flight.
The tutoring teaches student’s to monitor their state for learning and performance. As they master these skills they become good learners and achievers. These skills then apply to all contexts and behaviours, as they then have the capacity to consciously choose how they feel, act, motivate and apply. Dealing with bullying is certainly a context to apply these skills!
The Learning Principles videos can be found at the Student Success Tutor Facebook page and YouTube channel. They will be here in this webpage soon, as it will be an ongoing project of learning and exploration.
Negative effects of bullying
My observation of the Bully effect on myself and others:
It decreases learning, performance and everything useful and positive.
It increases anxiety, stress, anger, depression. These emotional processes are natural response and are related to the Survival Instinct. Emotions are our messengers that something needs addressing.
Even if you have mastered the Learning State to a high degree and remain consciously resourceful, feeling that Peace of Being, the body will still feel stress.
Emotional reactions of Anger, Sadness, Terror and Rage are very likely. Suppression of the fight-flight response is then stored in the memory and body as stress. It will stay there until it is consciously processed. Regardless of Emotional Intelligence (EQ) levels the reaction will occur at some level. The ability to stay calm and resourceful certainly helps, and the body will process it more easily. With high EQ the impact may just last hours, or be felt as tiredness. When the bully leaves one’s life a sense of tiredness or doing nothing for a few days may be experienced while the body unwinds the stored apprehension. I did nothing but rest for five days after I left my last corporate position where a serial bully was the general manager of our department (as mentioned in the video).
Behaviours change. Depending on the person’s make up they will behave differently to how they would if they were in a supportive or neutral environment. For a comparison notice how you feel on day ten of a two week holiday compared to the environment where the bully is. Use a Success Journal [a YouTube Learning Principles video on this is here until webpage is done] to catch these observations.
Positive effects of bullying
Is there anything positive that can come from bullying?
My personal experience is there are hard won positives of bullying. I shall explain why. I had bullies in high up company positions in two of my last four corporate workplaces. Many staff were also subject to this treatment in both companies. In both instances I had the choice to endure the bullying environment, and use it as a learning experience, or leave.
My philosophy towards life is it’s a learning journey. When the tough lessons are passed life is deeper, richer and I have more wisdom. I then have the capacity to assist others to avoid these pitfalls. That is why I do Student Success Tutoring as it gives huge benefits to the student that last a long time.
So what was the positives for me?
I learnt to work with my Survival Instinct in a way I was able to stay resourceful and at choice with my behaviours and actions. I got to learn and observe its processes as the various situations triggered different automatic behavioural and fight-flight responses.
An ability to hold the Learning State when in the bullying environment. I was able to maintain a relaxed manner and gain deep rapport with customers and staff. Often grumpy and difficult customers would call me back and say “You are the only helpful person there can you help me please…” One even wrote me a long reference as a customer because of his interactions with me.
Development of my Emotional Intelligence (EQ). I learnt to be OK with strong emotions and choose my behaviour.
I learnt a number of ways to prevent, monitor, avoid and confront the bullies. I certainly made it clear I was no pushover. I got to study bully behaviour and its impact on me and others.
In the context of Student Success Tutoring
I have the capacity to deeply understand the bullying process and how to help any students I am working with. I have the extensive experience to help them manage it if it happens and keep the student’s progress on track. The basic skills will take on a secondary purpose to further assist their learning and how it can be applied to more than just study.
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BULLIES part 2: Reflection on the video my fb post
My facebook post blog entry Jan 14 2018
This is a direct cut and paste of a reflective entry at in the Student Success Tutor facebook page. www.facebook.com/studentsuccesstutor/
(transcript is word for word from facebook, thus grammar may not be formally correct)
BULLIES part 2:
My reflection on the video (post below), and the media this week, 11 Jan 2018(2) , being filled with a 14 year old’s suicide because of bullying…. Last night in bed I decided to count the bullies I have faced between 2009 to 2017. I guessed 15 in the video I recorded last week. All my videos are off the top of my head, no scripting, as my ‘give it a go attitude’ is quite strong (see post below on Failure’s Importance).
I did actually stop at 15 names. It was not hard to rattle off a list of names, took less than 2 minutes. I didn’t need to think long and deep about who behaved in this way. There are probably more.
I may post the videos I did in a Melbourne CBD high rise in March last year where I discuss leadership, workplace bullies, and how the “Top Down” approach stops when the bully is in the chain of command (as if top management and the executive don’t know!)… Words and company policy are nice, but when words are backed with unconscionable behaviour that is something else. Words are cheap.
In the video I said something like “send the bullies to me and we will deal with it nicely, as we all have areas in our lives we can clean up“. This is true, the bullies also need to sort out their stuff because this behaviour pattern is usually a result of them facing trauma. Unconsciously unresolved stuff then leaks into their behaviour, psychology 101. Anyone who has faced it didn’t enjoy it, thus would it be a conscious choice to act this way towards another?
These corporate leadership and mentoring videos are unlisted in YouTube, I didn’t post it in my other website as my voice has a stern tonality, not the corporate look I was after. It was my first attempt at making videos for websites. So it was “a good try and a fail” with bad audio, bad lighting and dodgy camera focus and no practice at making videos, especially with no scripts. I may make a compilation and put it up, now I’m cozy with just being what I am on camera.
It may help someone… So why not – what do you reckon?
What was a strange co-incidence at that time was I had the chance to give feedback via an ‘anonymous survey’ about the top executives visiting part of this $100Billion+ company. I mentioned the bullying behaviour in this anonymous online survey, no names were given, but a week later I was given notice. My temporary contract was terminated 3 weeks early after it had been renewed 4 times over 10 months, there was forecasting of a massive increase in work load… odd eh? I was pleased to be out of there by then my financial need was satiated.
My “Learning State” remained solid in that 10 months of a toxic bully lead work environment, but it was tiring. The Learning State gives a capacity to be vigilant of movement and moods of others, simply because one is consciously aware and observant, rather than on ‘autopilot’.
Hence I mention the Learning State relentlessly in my videos and website. One can learn to tune into the state of consciousness that neurologically activates the whole brain for learning. From the reptilian-brain (brain stem), limbic system (emotional system) and through to the neo-cortex (well, you! The neo-cortex is why you are able to be human and choose your thinking and behaviour)…
The Learning State and choosing it for useful, relaxed and fun learning then empowers the person to move to a better place in their life. They are no longer a slave to feeling crappy, angry or anxious. ‘Hey, I can choose to enter the Learning State and relax’, even though my blood pressure has risen. Emotional Intelligence “EQ” is then truly developed (video and webpage to be done on that).
Science is a wonderful thing….
Be it the different behaviour patterns of a cockatoos, echidnas, king parrots, magpies or humans the learning principles are the same. Hence all the different animals you will see in this fb page and in the website to demonstrate different learning principles.
Those animals know they are safe when I hold them. The Learning State has some fun applications, not just on how to reduce stress and anxiety. When a 100% wild bird escapes from being held, and stays on your hand (not a pet) you know they are fully OK with you. See the post below called Exam Stress; how to reduce it with goals and applying the Learning State. I call the bird a mellow fellow at the end and kiss him.
The animals feel it, it’s not a Star Wars Jedi trick, its just the animal’s natural capacity to sense its environment so they can survive. In the movies it is portrayed like the dog that barks at the Arnold Schwarzenegger Terminator.
Now to write up the bullying page on the website so the next generation does not face what us older “Students of Life” did.
+61435522535 if you have any questions.
Or fill out the return message form on my website and I’ll call you.
Fear rules, so the bullies win
A co-worker who also experienced one of the two environments I mention above warned me not to post this as I may face legal actions by the company.
Names, identities and pointing factors have been hidden to protect the offending companies, my LinkedIn profile is clear of work history.
To be pursued would be to my advantage, as it would all be in the public eye. It will help others.
Or they could be morally responsible, as they say in their corporate policies, and walk the talk and fix the damage incurred to many people.
This shows how powerful the bully influence is.
Bring it on
Has this page triggered emotions? Or are you concerned?
Topics covered in this page are important. If you are triggered into an emotional response please seek help. If you are considering Tutoring and bullying has taken please book a session or book a callback. Tap the button and fill out the form.
Bullying STOPS learning video transcript
(transcript is word for word – thus grammar may not be formally correct)
Bullying it’s a serious topic.
It impacts learning.
It impacts a student ability to enjoy school.
It’s one of those topics that is really quite uncomfortable to deal with.
I’m Jason Hopkinson for Student Success Tutor.com. Bullying was mentioned as one of the key concerns in a recent ABC News website article(1) on schools’ reaching a Crisis Point with up to 30% of students’ having mental health concerns, with anxiety and depression. Bullying would certainly assist with that (to cause Anxiety & Depression!) It’s just NOT good.
The thing is when a student leaves school and they go into employment situations they’re going to face more bullying. I have faced a number of bullies recently in corporate Melbourne. No 3 ranked (CFO!) of an Australian (ASX) multinational company had a go at bullying me. When I went to HR (Human Resources) it got worse. Now, why was that? Two years later I found out that the HR person was also being heavily bullied, and they actually didn’t want to talk about it. So I am!
How do you deal with it? I’ve had in excess of a 180 (yes 180!!!) bullies in my life.
I wrote a list out back in 2009 and came to 165 bullies. The rest of those (ie: 15 bullies) have been mostly whilst in paid employment in Melbourne. So it’s rife (prevalent).
My last job the General Manager of our department, while this person touted (promoted) it is all about equality and all that sort of stuff very verbally actually bullied everybody. They were all scared of him! How did I know that? I asked them (the staff) directly because his behaviour was SO SHOCKING.
If your student, your son or daughter is being bullied that will be impacting them. Are they being bullied can you find out? Sometimes people won’t even speak about it (I know! Been there!!). But the emotional and mental stress of it is quite impacting (talking from experience!)
These stresses really hinder learning. So if that (bullying) is happening to someone who is in tutoring with me (Jason) the techniques they learn will help them to deal with that. Also because I’ve had so much of it in my life I can help them deal with it and the strategies involved to deal with it as it’s happening, to make it stop, or coping strategies.
What is important with bullying is that damage it creates. Psychologically and emotionally a lot of that stuff (pain) just gets buried (unconsciously). When it gets buried in the body it’s NOT good for health. It holds as stress in the body. So situational strategies, techniques and things to deal with that I can help them with, IF they open up and share it.
It’s a big topic. I could talk a lot about it but for the sake of this video I’m just putting it out there it’s something I can actually assist with, or I will make recommendations to you as the parent to get them some proper help. But it’s up to me (as tutor) and the rapport I gain / build with the student to get insights into their life. If it’s going on chances are I’ll find out. Any questions please call me (I mean that!!) I’m Jason Hopkinson for Student Success Tutor.com
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Time for a State Change
If you made it here congratulations
Notice your breathing and the feeling state you body is in. Notice where the breath goes and if it changes as you read this.
In the video link:
Watch this bird closely
Notice its comfort
Watch it watch me
Watch its expectation, openness and curiosity
Watch its natural curiosity, its the same curiosity for life you have.
Find that curiosity and live it.
The bird (and all animals) represents your unconscious natural State of being at Peace.
This 100% wild Kookaburra is just too adorable (in SuperHD if you have the bandwidth).
Moral of the story: Use the Learning State and enjoy the benefits, be it the tough times or the good!
You can’t but feel better after watching this video. Practice the Learning State with the animals and nature around you. Every city has pigeons, ducks or some form of wildlife, enjoy them. It trains you to enter a very enjoyable place with in yourself.
Learning and life is good in the Learning State
(1) Title: Schools reach ‘crisis point’ with sharp increase in students dealing with anxiety, depression. By Elise Pianegonda and Dan Bourchier Updated 27 Nov 2017. www.abc.net.au/news/2017-11-27/schools-at-crisis-point-mental-health-concerns-among-students/9192386
If it is off line: a copy can be found here in this website as its too important not to see it.
(2) Dolly Everett: ‘Heartbroken’ Malcolm Turnbull joins bullying debate in wake of 14-year-old girl’s suicide. Updated 12 Jan 2018 www.abc.net.au/news/2018-01-11/online-bullying-suicide-sparks-national-discussion/9321226
FYI: Malcolm Turnbull is the elected Prime Minister of Australia.