Bullying STOPS learning
Parents need to be vigilant of their son or daughters mental and emotional health when it comes to bullying.
The reality is bullying is too common, not just at school but in the workplace as well. Skill sets to deal with this need to be learnt that can be utilised at school as well as in the workplace if required.
I share in the second below video two personally recent and daunting examples of bullying taking place in corporate Melbourne by highly placed individuals in huge companies. I'll let you discover in the video below how many bullies I have faced in my life, this service is offered with integrity and honesty as keynotes. I am well versed in the bully's methods and how to deal with and heal it.
Stress, anxiety and depression caused by bullies to a student is very detrimental to their learning and joy for life.
In 2017 in Australia this topic made national news repeatedly because of teenage student committing suicide. It is a very serious topic.
There are ways to prevent bullying and mitigate the mental and emotional damage done by bullies.
This page is Part 2 of the School Education Crisis page where Bullying is mentioned by School Principals(1) as a key factor of Schools are facing a crisis where up to 30% of their students are under mental strain with anxiety, depression. It is mentioned here separately as it is outside the school context but impacts it massively.
This issue needs to be treated separately. Within days of my recording this 2017 video Australian media was filled with of the tragic news of a 14 year old girl taking her own life because of cyber bullying. Even the Australian Prime Minister was in the headlines as being 'heartbroken'(2) by this event.
If a student is in coaching chances are I will find out if they are stressed about bullying of themselves or others. I actively seek and enquire about stress factors, so they learn to do likewise to empower themselves. I will assist them as best as I can with methods to stop, cope and then heal the damage done so they can function optimally so they succeed in their studies.
Bullies Impact Well-being
Let's heal this!
This website and coaching is about positive learning and the joy and success it brings. This page was created as a necessity due to repeated national level news on this issue. This page will hopefully help raise awareness regarding the impact bullying has on a person's life, not just grades and learning. Learning the skill sets to deal with life's hard situations enriches life in many positive ways. The skills learnt to assist students to deal with difficult issues are the same as learning skills tutored here, only the context changes.
Hence the main modules in the basic 8 session coaching package cover two core skill sets, basic but powerful life skills and whole brain study skills.
NOTE: Each bullying instance is unique. Each situation will need to be treated separately. Getting help or sharing is ALWAYS the first step.
Get help! First things first, your safety and well-being is paramount. Tell someone, then tell an authority figure you trust. Assess the situation. This will immediately let some of the stress and tension out of the body and decrease irrational behaviour. If you are really unsure get assistance from someone who is not "under" the bullies influence.
How bullying impacts
the mechanics of our psychology
Bullying triggers our fight-flight instinctive response of chemicals (adrenaline), emotions and behavioural responses. It will trigger mind-dialogue where we dwell and re-run it over and over in our mind. Sharing helps to relax tensions and eases the fight-flight responses. Then get help to hopefully resolve the bullying situation. "Sticks and Stones..." mentality means it just gets suppressed into the unconscious mind (pillar No5 in the framework). The problem with suppression is it stays there and builds up.
The unconscious mind is our memory, motivation, behaviour, feeling and learning system. If the unconscious is weighed down with suppressed and current fight-flight reactions then learning and performance is directly impacted.
"Sticks and Stones..." only applies if the individual processes the issue and the impact on the unconscious is cleared. This means the person has developed a high level of Emotional Intelligence (EQ).
Human psychology is very complex. After 30 years of intense focus, training, mentoring and guiding others I know that our systems are designed to help us cope. Our psychology is 98% unconscious (at least). This unconscious aspect does everything for us. Hard wired into our DNA and human nature is what I term the survival instinct. This incorruptible drive keeps us and all living things alive and functional. Survive, adapt or die.
This is another reason why the LearnWhispering 101 course is a great adjunct to coaching. The animals demonstrate the principles of learning through the operation of the unconscious (as animals are unconscious). Animals live 100% on their survival instinct, observe them and you will see their constant vigilance for threats and food opportunities. My use of the Learning State shows its effect on the unconscious animals as they don't go into fight-flight. This is demonstrated by how I can command, stroke or even hold them and they do not go into fight flight responses. Birds are very quick to complain, they do not hold back.
This academic life coaching teaches student's to monitor their state for learning and performance. As they master these skills they become good learners and achievers. These skills then apply to all contexts and behaviours, as they then have the capacity to consciously choose how they feel, act, motivate and apply. Dealing with bullying is certainly a context to apply these skills!
Negative effects of bullying
My observation of the Bully effect on myself and others
It decreases learning, performance and everything useful and positive.
It increases anxiety, stress, anger, depression. These emotional processes are natural response and are related to the Survival Instinct. Emotions are our messengers that something needs addressing.
Even if you have mastered the Learning State to a high degree and remain consciously resourceful, feeling that Peace of Being, the body will still feel stress.
Emotional reactions of Anger, Sadness, Terror and Rage are very likely. Suppression of the fight-flight response is then stored in the memory and body as stress. It will stay there until it is consciously processed. Regardless of Emotional Intelligence (EQ) levels the reaction will occur at some level. The ability to stay calm and resourceful certainly helps, and the body will process it more easily. With high EQ the impact may just last hours, or be felt as tiredness.
When the bully leaves one's life a sense of tiredness or doing nothing for a few days may be experienced while the body unwinds the stored apprehension. On two instances after finishing corporate positions where serial bullies held very high positions (department GM in one and CFO of international subsidiaries in the other) I did nothing but rest for five days each time.
Behaviours change. Depending on the person's make up they will behave differently to how they would if they were in a supportive or neutral environment. For a comparison notice how you feel on day ten of a two week holiday compared to the environment where the bully is. Use a Success Journal to catch these observations and reflections.
Positive effects of bullying?
Is there anything positive that can come from bullying?
Because I have received so much bullying in my own life I can say it has some hard won positives. I shall explain why. I had bullies in high up company positions in two of my last four corporate workplaces between 2011 and 2016. Many staff were also subject to this treatment in both companies, even the Human Resources department was being bullied in one! In both instances I had the choice to endure the bullying environment, and use it as a learning experience, or leave. The stress of no income was worse than the bullying.
In 2020 I was subjected to bullying in a new job, yet again! This time my strategies were different, I was prepared. I took this company to Fair Work Commission and received a payout.
My philosophy towards life is it's a learning journey. When the tough lessons are passed life is deeper, richer and I have more wisdom. I then have the capacity to assist others to avoid these pitfalls. That is why I do academic life coaching as it gives huge benefits to the student that lasts a long time. This attitude and activation of the skill sets here have real outcomes, and this is discussed in the Emergency Response page. These skills build a resilient and peaceful person so when life knocks you hard you can deal with it in a resourceful manner.
So what was the positives for me?
♦ I learnt to work with my Survival Instinct in a way I was able to stay resourceful and at choice with my behaviours and actions. I got to learn and observe its processes as the various situations triggered different automatic behavioural and fight-flight responses.
♦ An ability to hold the Learning State when in the bullying environment. I was able to maintain a relaxed manner and gain deep rapport with customers and staff. Often grumpy and difficult customers would call me back and say "You are the only helpful person there can you help me please..."
♦ Development of my Emotional Intelligence (EQ). I learnt to be OK with strong emotions and choose my behaviour.
♦ I learnt a number of ways to prevent, monitor, avoid and confront the bullies. I certainly made it clear I was no pushover. I got to study bully behaviour and its impact on me and others.
In the context of Student Success Tutoring
I have the capacity to deeply understand the bullying process and how to help any students I am working with. I have the extensive experience to help them manage it if it happens and keep the student's progress on track. The basic skills will take on a secondary purpose to further assist their learning and how it can be applied to more than just study.