Student Success Tutor
Parent & Student Services Agreement
My service to you
♦ To perform to the best of my abilities.
♦ To commit to arranged appointments and to give notice of any cancellation as soon as possible.
♦ To commit to continuity on a weekly basis unless otherwise arranged.
♦ To be available preferably online for video, but definitely via phone for booked session times if the internet is unavailable for one of us.
♦ To maintain confidentiality. Confidentiality will be preserved between the individual and myself. If required, issues will be discussed with my counselling supervisor, as is standard practice for practitioners. General outcomes will be communicated to caregivers if they are involved/funding this service.
♦ Care Givers are defined as parents or legal guardians if in alternative care (especially if under 18). With the consent of the minor and/or parents approved areas of concern will be communicated to their other professionals if requested.
♦ To communicate my concerns to caregivers. To provide potential options to any concerns or possibilities for caregivers to approve if the customer is under 18 years old, or is under a care arrangement that I am informed of.
♦ Where required to communicate to caregivers where the coaching is heading and how positive changes can be supported. This will be done briefly via phone or online methods like Skype, possibly via a booked appointment due to timezone differences. Suitable feedback methods will be discussed before coaching services commence as part of the enrolment phone call.
♦ To return any phone or online messages to you at the first convenient time. Direct verbal or online video contact is preferred. Unlisted (or Private) and temporary YouTube videos may be used for my reply if approved on the enrolment call. These will be deleted once viewed, for privacy reasons. If I call I will leave a message if not answered.
♦ Customers are welcome to send emails. I will respond preferably via phone or online verbal/video methods. Replying via email is time consuming for me due to my writing abilities.
♦ To only undertake coaching and therapeutic change processes (eg: motivation, learning issues, belief change, trauma work etc) with a student/customer if they wish for the change. If expectations of guardians or involved parties like teachers/professionals differ from the individual it will be discussed (ie: Law Zero, self-responsibility of the individual). Per my NLP counsellor and international Trainer certification the full ecology (safety and desirability) of any potential change will be examined so it is a good outcome that serves the best interests of the person.
Your agreement with me
both student & parents
♦ To commit to arranged appointments. To give notice of any cancellation as soon as possible via direct phone call (and message) or Skype video message.
♦ Session times will start 10 past the hour to save lateness and finish on the hour unless otherwise arranged. If a session is to be therapeutic (ie: therapeutic change processes are used) it may be extended past the usual top-of-the-hour finish time. Notification will likely be given before as consent will be agreed to prior.
♦ To be available preferably online for Skype video, but definitely via phone for booked session times if the internet is down or unavailable. For the student to be mentally and physically prepared for the session start time.
♦ To commit to continuity on a weekly basis unless otherwise discussed. Commitment to regular sessions demonstrates the importance of the service and maximises progress.
♦ To be in the best location possible for this online session. A room free of disruptions, noise and other people is preferable. The actual location where private study is undertaken is best.
♦ To give me immediate feedback if you (caregiver or student) are unhappy with anything that is happening. In this way, it can be changed as soon as possible.
♦ To communicate your expectations to me in clear terms.
♦ To keep me updated with progress and developments if they are relevant to my services.
♦ Payment for a session is to be upfront only. Pre-paying a block of sessions secures the best price.
♦ Cancelling within 48 hours or missing a session without notice unless a doctor’s surgery receipt is produced may result in no rescheduling of that session. This may be reduced by 50% if circumstances are unavoidable. This will be strictly enforced as session times are limited for this service. Please discuss this if you have any questions before it happens.
♦ Sessions are to be paid per the agreed rate on the pricing & booking page. Prices are subject to change and existing clients will be notified in advance.
♦ Existing clients will be notified if their existing prices stay at the current rate for a further time, as consistency is rewarded. The deeper objective of these services is to develop successful habits that last for lifelong learning, self-motivation and independence.
♦ If you have any questions concerning this agreement, please feel free to raise them with me.
♦ Any feedback (positive or negative) you can give me concerning my service would be greatly appreciated. I will endeavour to incorporate feedback wherever possible, to improve the service I am providing. Feedback that can be added to the website is preferred.
♦ Please read the TnCs, as a condition of this service and entering this website is deemed that you agree fully to the legal Terms & Conditions.
♦ If the LearnWhispering video course is offered the service agreement for the course applies in that relevant Service Agreement and Terms and Conditions page.
Proprietary Material & Copyright
Per the Terms and Conditions the material in this website, YouTube channel, Mastery Club and online courses is all proprietary. Permission needs to be given, so please ask. Legal speak for this is in the Terms and Conditions.
Pillar No4 in the 9 pillar Framework is Law Zero is such an important factor in relating to nature and being a good citizen.
Feedback, Improvement & Recommendations
This website and service and its contents is here to assist all, especially nature and its survival as us humans destroy it from our lack of connection. This lack of connection with nature divorces us from our heart and caring. There are some triggering topics within this website and courses as many have strong views regards educational institutions and being with nature and how it is to be related with.
Pillar No4 in the framework is Law Zero. This is all about personal respect and honesty which is the key ingredient that is missing where humans expect the externals to suit them be that a country, person, a habitat or any living thing in nature. We somehow have to co-exist with our environment, as humanity has now caused the planet's 6th major extinction event. Feedback is welcome as to how we help this planet for all nature and our future grandchildren.
Something better can be made if feedback is received.
So please, send me an email of feedback or recommendation (and please state that I can use a recommendation publicly). A selfie video would be very well received, as it gives that realness and validity that text cannot.
What is emotional intelligence?
Emotional Intelligence was first made popular by Daniel Goleman in his book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. As Daniel rightly points out; what is more important being competent with your emotions and relating well or having a smart mind? Although, unlike cognitive intelligence, your emotional intelligence is 100% able to be developed. The only question is do you want to?
Emotions versus Feelings
What's the difference?
Emotions in this website are defined as broadly as fear, anger (including frustration), sadness, grief, guilt, anxiety and excitement. These are the core emotions. There are many other types of emotions but generally they are close relatives or variations of these six. These are then felt in different degrees with different flavours and therefore have different names. To complicate matters some emotions are a cocktail of these six core emotions.
Technically excitement could be classified as fear. The reason excitement is an emotion is simple; excitement is adrenalin based. Adrenalin is a fear flight-flight response. This is discussed at the bottom of the page.
Emotions are completely different from what is defined in these pages as feelings. Feelings include peace, awareness, spaciousness, stillness, calmness, joy, happiness, openness, connection and love. Feelings are your natural state and as you become more conscious and learn to live in the Learning State these will be much more consistent in your life in all situations.
You learn to be aware of these undercurrent feelings as emotions rise and fall. Because feelings are the Real You then they are actually always there – the only thing stopping it is your awareness of not feeling them. The prime directives of the unconscious mind all aim to the final goal of these positive feelings being the default.
Emotional intelligence & State Awareness
Traffic Lights for indicating your Emotions
The State Awareness traffic lights can also be used for gauging emotions and feelings. Practicing State Awareness provides sensory feedback of the mind, body, and emotional status. As with any skill the more it is practiced for more defined the nuances. Your neurology learns to be more precise at providing feedback information.
In terms of emotions, not feelings, if strong it would tend to indicate a red emotional traffic light status. A mild emotion would tend to be yellow status. Green is a slight emotional disturbance.
If you are good at State Awareness and holding the Learning State it means you are able to hold a red emotional traffic light and be fully functional. In March 2019 Jacinda Ardern, the New Zealand Prime Minister, demonstrated very high emotional Intelligence as she handled the mass shooting tragedy that took place in Christchurch. One headline made the news around the planet where she said “And one of the messages that I want to share to our young people in particular is it's ok to grieve. It is ok to ask for help, even if you weren't directly affected.” as she spoke to a Cashmere High School. This was my High School as a student, I even taught study skills there after graduating with my Masters Degree in accelerated learning.
Barack Obama would be another example of someone who has high emotional intelligence. He demonstrates the ability to be calm, clear thinking and communicate clearly in situations that are very stressful. Barack does not get upset or flustered by people who are trying to test him. An example would be tricky personal questions from reporters. High EQ people tend to be very likable. If they have a problem with someone they will either not let it bother them (because it doesn't) or they will discuss it in a helpful manner with the concerned individual. When discussing it with the individual /group they will do so without venting their emotions. They will tend to treat this situation as a problem solving activity. Blame will be absent it is about finding the solution, and that is all that matters.
Low emotional intelligence is indicated by automatic negative reactions with strong emotions to a small event. For example, someone screaming and yelling about a door not being closed. Being violent with rage and anger, unless life threatening, is a clear sign of low emotional intelligence. Medium emotional intelligence means some things can be handled easily and some things are not. Some things will stress a person and impact their performance or response. While other situations they may function through choice rather than reaction that is unconscious (no choice).
Depending on your capacity at holding conscious State Awareness (ie: the traffic light exercise) and your ability to hold the Learning State where all of your neurology is consciously activated will give a clear indication of how high your emotional intelligence is.
For a happier life
grow your emotional intelligence
As a student how are your emotions related to your study? How do these study skills actually help you to be a better and happier person? As you learn to use your State Awareness traffic lights and Learning State it also means you can choose to change how you feel.
As you practice changing your state into the Learning State it means you can be resourceful when no-fun emotions are running. Thus you become more stable, happy and people will find you much better to get on with. Often with study, it is a matter of making a start even though you may feel resistant (yellow traffic light), but once you are making progress your feeling state will change to feeling better as you are helping yourself succeed.
Purpose of emotions
Emotions have a special purpose most ignore
Feelings feel good, or at least peaceful or neutral. Emotions do not feel nice, with the exception of excitement. We naturally want them gone. Emotions often are the fuel and trigger for bad and destructive behaviours. The unconscious mind, the inner you, who creates and manages emotions runs under the prime directives to feel good and also to be a nice person (a moral being prime directive 11).
Question: So what is the purpose of these things called emotions that is under the management of the unconscious mind?
Answer: Emotions send the message that awareness is required for something to be resolved or acted upon.
The intention of every emotion is to help restore the prime directive No1 of the unconscious; to firstly be safe. Then to feel good (not to be driven by bad emotions) or at least be at peace and then be lazy. Minimal energy expenditure, to be lazy, is prime directive 20. Effectively the unconscious mind desires to be in the Learning State (the Whispering State or Presence). Thus the natural pull is to be at ease, peaceful and feeling happy.
Observe a baby in a psychologically healthy family environment that is 3 to 12 months old. How do they behave? They are called a bundle of joy for a reason. This is the natural state of the unconscious until it is corrupted by trauma and bad habits (note the word habit). That is what the unconscious mind seeks for the person, to live as their normal way of life. The prime directives ensure that this is the easy path.
Babies and children soak up the behavioural norms of the family and society. Absorbing and adjusting to the environment continues throughout life. Zero to seven years are the golden years of most programming, where the conscious mind and identity form (Psychology 101) as the brain, neurology and body form. Then eight to fourteen is the second most influential. The third stage is that of the teenager, fourteen to twenty-one. This is where the teenager comes out and tries to be me, much to the resistance of parents and society. Outcomes the ego and shadow to test its validity and identity as an individual. In Western cultures, we celebrate the 21st birthday as a big event of maturity for this reason. The symbol of the lock key is often associated with 21st birthdays for this reason.
As age progresses the change is slower unless traumatic events create significant shifts. Traumatic events activate the core No1 prime directive of survival, then suppression/repression is triggered and the emotional state is set to the extreme red traffic light. Depending on the depth of the trauma it can result in a significant psychological condition. An example would be post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in soldiers and abuse survivors.
The life skill set here at Student Success Tutor is designed primarily for the Learning State (pillar No1) to maximise learning and academic success. The structural aspects are all within the 9 pillar framework. The brilliance of this method is it offers a simple method to restore correct function of the unconscious mind (pillar No5). If the student, parent or teacher decides they want this for themselves they then have the tools to make significant shifts to having a life based in at least peace, if not joy and happiness. This website hopes to provide the evidence this is possible by my story and experiences.
This method cannot be forced onto another, it is a conscious action within the neurology of the individual (pillar No4 Law Zero). This is free will, of conscious volitional attention (State Awareness). Nobody can ever take the choice of attention placement away from a person. Removing conscious volition is impossible unless the brain is physically damaged, under extreme trauma or under constant duress, drugs or societal unconscious persuasion.
Restoring the unconscious mind to its natural default is the metaphorical return to innocence. The Learning State is the restoration of the default setting. This method taught here is free from bias, control and can be applied to any social or religious context. Being a good person is innate, all societies want good people. I'm sure you'd prefer good people around you over those that are not nice, immoral and do things that violate other people's personal boundaries, eh?
The message of the emotions
Each type of emotion has a specific type of message. If State Awareness is being practiced and the emotion can be defined it will indicate how the issue was caused and what may be done to resolve it. Once the issue is identified, the conscious mind can then have a chat with the unconscious mind. If you talk to your unconscious like I do to the birds it is more likely to listen and resolve the issue. The emotion will then fade out. The next time in life the same event happens the emotion will be much less. Thus if you have higher emotional intelligence a conscious response can be given rather than a knee-jerk reaction.
Summary of the messages types by the emotion type:
Anger: The message that something needs to change. This is often because a need or a want has not been fulfilled. Hence the explosive desire to make something happen when anger is being felt. With our safe modern life, the need for the explosiveness of anger isn't typically needed. We won't face a wild bear or lion strolling into our home. At the unconscious level this isn't recognised, as the unconscious is a 5 year old child. The key with anger is to recognise what is not being met. Being bullied which is a threat to safety is a valid reason for anger. Action needs to be taken to stop receiving this sort of treatment.
On the other hand being given a banana milkshake when chocolate was ordered is a less valid reason for anger. Though you can choose to be State Aware and use the energy and request nicely a chocolate replacement.
Sadness: A message something is not being received or something has just been lost. It's maybe the loss of something or someone or a sense of disappointment. Understanding the loss can help, but feeling sadness rather than avoiding it is the best way to move through it. Allowing tears to flow when they want to is often the best method to let the loss be released. Allowing the sadness to be felt in the Learning State (full neurology activated) is extremely effective with sadness.
Fear: This is the survival instinct speaking. The number one prime directive is Safety (preserving the body)! It is the red alert function to react and run. The fear may also turn into the stay and fight as it is the flip side of the fight-flight instinct that all animals have.
Anxiety: This is future fear. Anxiety's message is clear; preparation is required so get on with it and perform the needed tasks. Past traumas can also set up expectations of future failure, which will trigger anxiety. Anxiety's message is very healthy unless it is trauma based from prior experiences.
Guilt: As mentioned prior the unconscious mind is a highly moral being. To be a good person is natural, it's a prime directive. Guilt is a message I'm not being good. With repeated practice guilt is suppressed and will not register and it becomes easy to perform wrongful acts. Guilt is a healthy sign that the unconscious prime directive to be a moral being has not been corrupted. If guilt is being felt then an apology or corrective action may be required.
Trauma and external conditioning from authority figures can also install a habitual guilt response in the unconscious mind of the individual or groups (and countries). If the State Awareness exercise is being used, and the Learning State activated then the conscious mind can be used to examine this response and undo the habit. A psychologically healthy person can easily decide what is a rightful action without the need for doctrine. The correct action is always related to inherent feelings of love, peace and caring for a mutually positive outcome. Win/win is the simple answer.
Excitement: Excitement is classified here as an emotion, not a feeling. Excitement is fear inverted as it generates the production of adrenaline which is the fear chemical produced by the body. Its message is wanting an outcome now but fear is also present as it is not yet certain....... so let's do this and hope the outcome is good. That is why extreme sports are exciting, as they have a real possibility of injury or death. Hence it is fear which is felt as positive excitement.
Emotions feel yuck - but they have a special message to tell you
Emotions are only the messenger. They are not the message. Few people understand this point. The tricky bit is to understand what is the message. For example, yelling and screaming with anger about a door not being closed could be accumulated frustration over a door being left open many times, or it’s unresolved issues about not being listened to. There are many ways to solve this problem. The anger is a tool to hopefully help it be heard how important it is that the need or want for the door to be shut occurs. It may also be a sign that you, the angry person, need to deal with something so it no longer bothers you.
Because humans are so complex there may be other past events stored in the unconscious for resolution. The prime directives of the unconscious mind ensure the presentation of unresolved emotions where possible so they are processed and let go. The colloquial term for these stored unresolved events is emotional baggage. That may add extra emotional volume to the current event by the unconscious mind so it is unburdened.
With time and practice of State Awareness and using the Learning State one becomes very good at noticing when the green traffic light is left for yellow. Sensitivity to the yellow traffic light develops with practice. This then helps faster resolution consciously to bring back the state of equilibrium. It is far easier to activate State Awareness and the Learning State in the yellow traffic light than the red.
Then the neurology can be trained to be in the Learning State and hold emotions when in the yellow state, and later the red traffic light. For example, it is easier to learn and hold the Learning State with mild frustration (yellow) than it is with anger (red). As frustration is a milder version of anger mastering these less intense emotions will happen before anger can be held consciously and resourcefully in the Learning State. With dedicated practice one will eventually hold the Learning State (full neurological functioning and conscious choice) in extreme circumstances and when strong emotions are happening. The emergency response page covers this topic.
Maintaining or entering the state of full neurological function and conscious choice (defined in this website as the Learning State) means the emotions can be held and not shared with the people involved. Or the person may well express the emotions depending on the situation. It may be ok to yell at someone in the family, but it may not work yelling at an employer as it may result in unemployment.
With these life skills taught here, the emotional events can be addressed and resolved with the use of the Learning State. This can be covered in coaching to assist in growing this skill and ability. Clearing emotional stresses are important as it allows a deeper Learning State for study, review and performance in assessments.
To master the skill of finding the emotion's message takes practice. Often just being aware and using a Learning State can resolve it. The unconscious will often provide the 'ah-ha' intuition as to the reason, and why is that? The Learning State is the Alpha brain wave state where intuition functions as all the neurology is accessible for integration and processing. By definition the Learning State is the optimal state.
The only question is how much is the State Awareness and Learning State entry practiced? This is why ongoing coaching will develop this most profound life enhancing state for learning, life success and default happiness.